Other warning signs include flattery, control, anger, or arrogance, which all signal an aversion to intimacy.Still, on the surface, emotionally unavailable people can appear to be very stable, says Elisabeth Mandel, LMFT, a relationship therapist based in Manhattan.If you feel like you're turning over every rock and still not finding happiness, it's not that your heart is flatlining—it's just that in trying to cut out sadness, you might be missing the dark that makes the light so much brighter. For a while now, I’ve wanted to post a photo of my parents and title the blog post “A Photo of Everyone I’ve Ever Dated.” I’m not sure about that exact approach, but I’m definitely going to write a post about dating versions of our parents soon because it’s one of those things where once you make the connection, your life changes.First things first: Remember that you don't always need to hold people at arm's length.But the solution isn't always true love's kiss (though finding someone you truly care about can help, Mandel says).
If you head into the dating world again with an open wound, it'll probably bleed through. Family dynamics can also be the source of your problems.
Say you grew up in an emotionally avoidant family, where the emphasis was less about being open with your feelings.
Hitting the emotional brakes may come naturally to you, because you won't "have muscle memory for a deeper quality of attachment," Fleming says.
“How do they know how to get under my skin and push my buttons? “It’s not who pushes your buttons, it’s who programmed you.” A Light-Bulb-Moment-WHOA-“aha! Since it’s Father’s Day today, this whole week I’ve been thinking about my own daddy issues, how they’ve affected me, why they’ve haunted me for so long and really, why the hell I even had such deep daddy issues in the first place when I have a Dad that’s consistently been nothing short of amazing. This becomes an addictive pattern because it creates this feeling of comfort due to the familiarity but also creates a perpetual underlying feeling of dis-ease in your relationships.
You then become the girl that doesn’t feel like it’s the “right” relationship unless you’re feeling insecure and like you have something to “chase after” and “prove.” You gravitate toward relationsh*ts that “keep you on your toes,” instead of relationships that are mutual and genuinely connected.